Forums Writing Chapter 5 Chapter 5 3 Queries and Bio –redo.

Chapter 5 3 Queries and Bio –redo.

I rewrote these queries following the suggestions given. I also rewrote the Bio. Thanks for your feedback. It really helps me..

http://carolenchina.matadoru.com/2012/10/20/chapter-5-bio-and-3-queries-redo/

View Profile 2012-10-21 03:24:21 PDT

Thanks for posting your work Carole – I usually don’t give feedback on peoples bios but I have a thought on yours – I would take the sentiments expressed here ‘ She likes exploring on the edge of ancient and she finds places like China, Morocco, and India, interesting. ‘ and rewrite so that it is focused on something the reader can relate to or is specific to you. ‘exploring on the edge of the ancient’ sounds nice but really doesn’t tell me anything. Accordingly, ‘she finds places like China…interesting’ doesn’t tell me if you have already traveled there, what you actually find interesting (food, culture, art etc) and doesn’t reveal your personality.

Of your three pitches I find the 1st to be the most compelling. Working with the Library Project to bring books to central china would provide you perspective from your college teaching days. That, for me, would be the strongest angle – to compare the lives of one set of chinese students and the other – with you in middle to provide context and personal meaning.

The 2nd and 3rd pitch seem unfocussed. RE Wasilla, I would like you to suggest a specific angle like best pub grub, live music venues, places for families, local favorites etc – focusing your story gives your article a skeleton to hang some meat on.

The main issue with all three pitches is that they are reliant on experiences you have yet to have. It s ok to pitch stories that involve travel and research – but try, if you can, to create and pitch some stories that you could start working on now. That way you have something to show an editor and they can envision the piece living in their magazine.

I hope this helps Carole, keep it up and safe travels to Morocco.

View Profile 2012-10-23 00:10:18 PDT

Thanks Joshy., See you after the next rewrite…

View Profile 2012-10-23 05:00:01 PDT